We’re always hearing that we could be having better sex, a better orgasm, or a better relationship. But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist, to help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off limits, and all questions remain anonymous. Now, onto today’s topic: how to kiss someone well. Even if you’re already pretty great at it, there’s probably somethingmore you can learn.
Q: I’ve kissed a few people, but I still feel like I’m not as good of a kisser as I could be. How do I know if I’m a good kisser? Can you give me any kissing tips? How can I be sure I’m really kissing someone well? (If you can’t tell, I’m feeling kind of nervous about this. I mean, kissing is important! It can make or break your connection with someone.)
A: Thanks for the question! So many people overlook kissing, especially once they’ve moved on to other “bases”. But kissing is a ridiculous amount of fun, and is fully deserving of your attention and effort. It’s also super important to intimacy, foreplay, and attraction in general. Here are eight steps to up your kissing game, since we could all use a kissing refresher!
Take Your Time
Arguably the best tip I could give you is to go slow and ease your way into every kiss. If you’re feeling anxious about your kissing abilities, that anxiety is likely
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We asked two licensed massage therapists what their top five tips are in giving your main squeeze a spa-caliber massage at home. Miriam Benatti, licensed massage therapist at Euphoria Spa , and Edan Harari of Kinetic Massage Therapy, both in New York City, share the key elements, many of which go hand in hand, in making your special gift of DIY couples massage a success on Valentine’s Day and beyond!
1. Clear Space, Clear Mind
“Create a peaceful and loving environment,” Benatti says. “Sometimes our homes (especially city apartments) are anything but peaceful. Make sure candles and scented oils accent a warm, tidy environment.”
Be mindful and present by taking five minutes or so to clear your mind chatter and to prepare to work on your partner, Harari advises. “Remember, the mind is very powerful, so focusing on providing your partner with relaxation is key to helping them relax, let go and feel good,” he explains.
2. Use Simple Essentials Found around the House
Be sure you have all the items you’ll need around you to give an uninterrupted massage.
- Oil (almond or grape seed, even that olive oil you have in the kitchen) is preferable to lotion, which tends to absorb too quickly.
- Have a towel handy to pick up any spills.
- Use a pillow under the ankles and one for neck and face when he/she is prone (face-down) and prop the pillow under the knees when he/she is supine (face-up).
- Make sure your fingernails are not too long. And if you just got a perfect manicure, use your knuckles, fists, and forearms. You can still apply the right strokes with most any part of your hand.
3. Intuitively Indulge the Senses
“Remember that the massage is all about your partner and what they want or need,” Harari says. “Just because you like an elbow in your back doesn’t mean they do. Practice using your intuition to figure out what they like and what their body/muscles needs. If you can’t figure it out while being mindful, then just ask!”
On the same note, create an environment to invigorate the senses, Benatti suggests.
“Pick out some music you both love,” she says. “Use essential oils; they stimulate the brain’s limbic system, our most animalistic sweet spot of emotional memory.”
Choose your scent:
- Sweet orange and neroli will brighten the mood
- Ylang ylang and rose will
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Best Jewelry for Valentine’s Day:
1. Heart Rings
While your partner may appreciate rings of all shapes and sizes, heart-shaped rings are the perfect women’s ring to gift your Valentine. Envelop her finger with a sterling silver, diamond, or precious stone in the shape of love. Sizing and style are both important, so determine her ring size and find a design that she can love wearing for years to come.
2. Dangle Earrings
A beautiful pair of dangle earrings can transition from day to night, making them an ideal earring setting. If your Valentine prefers subtle jewelry styles, find a pair that is round, short, and a solid metal such as sterling silver or gold. For those who like their jewelry to pop, choose designs that feature sparkle, length, and vibrant colors.
3. Heart Necklaces
Heart-shaped necklaces styles vary by metal, stone, and setting, and prices range from affordable to high-end. Some common designs include pendants and chains, and they come in different lengths such as choker, mid-length princess, and extra-long opera.
4. Diamond Tennis Bracelets
A diamond tennis bracelet is a beautiful and simple piece of women’s jewelry that makes a special Valentine’s Day present. The color of the setting metal can range from yellow gold to platinum, and this determines how the bracelet’s diamonds appear. Diamonds with a slight yellow or beige tint match perfectly with a yellow or rose gold setting. Also, consider the clarity and uniformity of the diamonds.
5. Pearl Jewelry
Pearls are sometimes called “teardrops of the moon” and symbolize innocence and purity. Some claim that they can even produce a calming effect. For a classically feminine look, buy a strand of pearls to wear as a necklace. This natural jewel comes in a variety of colors and shapes as unique as your significant other.
6. Luxury Watches
Gift your partner a watch that combines form and function. Luxury watches are made from precious metals and adorned with diamonds and other stones. If your Valentine spends Saturdays by the pool, look for water-resistance. The type of watch crystal, construction, and movement are other components to consider when in the market for a timepiece.
7. Engagement Rings
It’s no secret that Valentine’s Day is one of the most popular days to “pop the big question.” Look for an engagement ring size, metal, and setting that suit her personality, like a nature-inspired or a vintage design. Go traditional with a round diamond ring or unique with a large marquise emerald ring. Remember that an engagement ring is a piece of jewelry that symbolizes your life together, so choose with your heart.
8. Birthstone Jewelry
Show your Valentine that you know and appreciate all the traits that make her who she is with a piece of birthstone jewelry. Your Valentine is likely to appreciate a beautiful set of diamond earrings, an amethyst necklace, or an emerald tennis bracelet to showcase her birth month as well as your good taste in women’s jewelry.
9. Cubic Zirconia
For budget-minded shoppers looking for high design without the
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